Shuffle
by skellington13
Summary: How Leah reacts to hearing certain songs.
1. Years From Now

_Okay, this little fic came about as i was listening to my IPOD on shuffle. I don't know if you guys had the same reaction to Leah as i did. When i first read the books i was all for Sam and Emily and hated Leah for being a bitch. But then the more i read them, the less i like Sam/Emily and the more i felt for Leah. So this is her story. Told through ten songs picked randomly from my IPOD. Please read and review. _

_As always, i don't own any of the characters you recognise from the book. The song belongs to DR HOOK. _

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The song floated through the open window at the exact second I had stopped putting the dishes away. It was like fate was a huge bitch and wanted me to suffer for all the bad things I had done in a previous life.

It was like a blow to the stomach and I was frozen in my spot, my hand still on the open cupboard door.

I didn't want to turn around; to look out the window and confirm my fears. That my next door neighbours were in their yard, surrounded by friends, listening to _that_ song. I couldn't bear it.

But I knew they were. If I closed my eyes, I could picture them.

His bright smile as he gazed down at her. Her doe eyes gazing up adoringly at him as he spun her around the small garden, to the delight and laughter of their friends.

It had been their wedding song. I had been forced to watch, dressed in the ridiculous blue dress, as he held her tight, swaying to the song that he had once sang to me. I knew every word of it, every single not had been ingrained in my brain years before.

It had been his mother's favourite song before his, and he had always told me it would be _our_ wedding song.

He had lied of course. Oh, he hadn't meant it as a lie when he told me that but he had made it into a lie in the years that followed. I was no longer the girl he sang to. I was the girl he glanced at every so often, with pity and slight disgust in his eyes.

I turned around then, sure that my heart could handle whatever they threw at me. I stood by the window, covered by the curtains, and gazed into their garden. The who gang was there; my invitation had obviously gotten lost in the mail. Even my mom was there, sitting next to Billy Black's wheelchair and smiling awkwardly. She was on my side, always had been. But she was also too good a friend to Billy to abandon him just because they had decided to be assholes and play _that_ song right next door.

He was holding her against him with one arm, dipping her quickly and pulling her back up, smiling at the ecstatic laughter that spilled from her lips. Her scars were barely noticeably as she grinned at him when he twirled her under his arm.

I had no doubt the song was true for them. No doubt that in years to come, he would still be twirling her around while she giggled up at him, that disgustingly adoring look on her face.

I scowled and slammed the window closed, making sure it was loud enough to be heard by the wolves who had gathered. Sure enough, their heads turned to the house and if had been possible for him to flush, he would have. His grip faltered slightly on her back and she looked at him in confusion before following his gaze. Finally his gaze hardened as he looked at me and he tightened his grip on her again, leaning down to whisper something in her ear.

I stepped from behind the curtain and made my way towards the stairs. I had the sudden urge to lock myself in my room, close the window and the blinds and listen to my IPOD full blast.

I made it there before the tears started.

_Years from now, I want you years from now  
And I hold you years from now as I love you tonight  
You are my one true friend, always my one true friend  
And I love you 'till I'd say as I love you tonight _

_I know this world that we live in can be hard__  
__Now and then and it will be again  
Many times we've been down__  
__Still love has kept us together the flame never dies __  
__When I look in your eyes the future I see_

_Wanting you years from now__  
__And holding you years from now__  
__And loving you years from now__  
__As I love you tonight_

_I know this world that we live in can be hard  
Now and then and it will be again  
Many times we've been down__  
__Still love has kept us together the flame never dies __  
__When I look in your eyes the future I see_

_Wanting you years from now__  
__And holding you years from now  
And loving you years from now  
As I love you tonight _


	2. Time Of Your Life

The song belongs to Green Day.

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_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road_

_Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go_

_So make the best of this test and don't ask why_

_It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time_

_It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right_

_I hope you had the time of your life_

_So take the photographs and still frames in your mind_

_Hanging on a shelf in good health and good time_

_Tattoos are memories and dead skin on trial_

_For what it's worth, it was worth all the while_

_It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right_

_I hope you had the time of your life_

_It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right_

_I hope you had the time of your life_

_It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right_

_I hope you had the time of your life_

She was working when she heard it. The familiar strumming of an acoustic guitar and the quiet swear word that always made her smile. She was in the middle of putting shoes out on display and she had froze again, her hand halfway between the shelf and her body.

The memories rushed at her, surrounding her quickly and absolutely.

She remembered the night they had gone to see the band; remembered the way Sam had wrapped his arm around her when the familiar guitar strain had filled the arena. Remembered leaning back against him, resting her head on that strong chest and sighing in happiness and contentment.

Their friends had been with them that night, and she could still hear the teasing comments they had made as she had swayed in his arms, singing along to every single word.

The song was so fitting now, years after they had broken up. She could practically hear him whispering the words in her ear as they gazed up at the stage, enthralled by the stage show in front of them.

"Leah and Sam, sitting in a tree…" Their friends had taunted them the whole way back to the reservation. It brought a smile to her face… and a tear to her eye.

She knew she should have been over him by now, knew that she should have moved on. She was well aware of how attractive she was, and how many guys would lie down and die for a chance with her.

But what was the point? She could never do to someone else what Sam and Emily had done to her. It wouldn't be right and she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she imprinted when she was in another relationship. She couldn't live with herself if she broke someone else's heart.

She stood from the break table and shook the thoughts out of her head. She made a mental note to make a new CD for the store so that she wasn't caught unawares again and strode back into the front.

She had to be stronger than this.


	3. True Colours

Song belongs to Cyndi Lauper

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_You with the sad eyes  
Don't be discouraged  
Oh I realize  
Its hard to take courage  
In a world full of people  
You can lose sight of it all  
And the darkness inside you  
Can make you feel so small_

_But I see your true colours  
Shining through  
I see your true colours  
And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colours  
True colours are beautiful _

_Like a rainbow_

_Show me a smile then,  
Don't be unhappy, cant remember  
When I last saw you laughing  
If this world makes you crazy  
And you've taken all you can bear  
You call me up  
Because you know Ill be there_

_And Ill see your true colours  
Shining through  
I see your true colours  
And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colours  
True colours are beautiful,  
Like a rainbow  
_

My cousin had one of the biggest, brightest smiles I had ever seen on someone's face. It lit up a room. Her laugh was contagious and you were forced to laugh along with her, whether you got the joke or not.

She had these dark, soulful eyes that always glinted with a hint of mischief and when we were younger, she was forever getting into trouble with Aunt Sue. Not so much with Uncle Harry because by the time she was five, Leah had every male she knew wrapped around her baby finger. It was a mixture of beautiful looks and unbreakable spirit that made her so unforgettable and irresistible.

Sometimes, when he doesn't realise I'm looking, I sit and watch Sam while he sits and watches her. Leah doesn't spend a lot of time with us as a group, and I understand that, but there are certain occasions Aunt Sue drags her along to and Billy Black's birthday was one of them.

Leah was playing with the kids and I saw Sam's angry look at Jacob's muttered declaration that it was because she acted like one. It was then that I started watching.

I caught the longing in his eyes as he watched her spin the kids round in circles, laughing freely at them as they shrieked and squealed in delight. Rebecca Black had brought her kids home for a few weeks to visit her dad and brother and they played alongside Claire and her friends from school that had been invited.

Quil sat off to the side and even his gaze was on Leah as she threw Claire up and easily caught her again, smiling at the little girl's shriek of laughter.

"Again! Again!"

I heard Sam's low chuckle and cast my eyes back at my cousin. I remembered, suddenly, that they had always talked of having kids. Lots of kids. Sam and Leah were both naturals with children and I still had long emails saved in my inbox from her, describing what kind of clothes her kids would wear, what they would be called, how they would behave.

I pressed a hand to my swollen belly and felt guilt creep up on me for the first time in years. I had long ago given up on feeling guilty about Sam and I. Leah avoided us mostly and without being confronted with her agony, I had convinced myself that I hadn't done anything wrong. But watching her now, and watching Sam watching her, it all came rushing back.

My cousin used to be the sweetest, funniest, most exciting person I knew. There was a brightly coloured aura that surrounded her when she was like this; playful and laughing, and it shone brightly right now.

She sat Claire down and turned to face the rest of us and her face shut down immediately. She was once more Leah the bitch. The harpy. The cruel, childish brat as Paul called her. She turned her back on us and I felt Sam sigh and I knew. I knew that if he had been given a choice in who he loved… I'd have serious competition. Sure, I was his soul mate. I was the one he would spend the rest of his life with. I was going to be the mother of his child.

But if he had a choice… Leah could be all of those things. It could be Leah he danced around the kitchen with, singing silly songs at the top of his voice as he slid across the tiles. It could be Leah he wrapped his arms around at night. It could be Leah he told all his hopes and fears to.

As I watched her face light up again as another child tackled her I had a suspicious feeling that he would probably chose her. Because I never shone that brightly. No matter what I did, I just didn't glow like that.

There was a song coming from the CD player Paul and Jared had set up in the kitchen window and as I listened, I watched. I watched my husband watch my cousin; his first love, with a yearning so intense on his face that my belly ached. I watched the rest of them stare at her in shock and awe as she joked and played with the kids. And I watched as, for the first time, the pack saw exactly who Leah Clearwater was.


End file.
